Today my parents said I didn’t have to go to college. HMMM interesting…
Say hello to my list of the future!
What is an expert doorer you ask? It is one whose expertise is in doors. Not really the physics or building of a door, but more the opening and closing of doors. No college degree is required and yet one must have a sharp eye. I will learn to study hinges to predict whether to push or pull, also I will learn to scout for signs of doors that say ‘push’ or ‘pull’. In this profession, I will help others increase productivity by eliminating the problem of opening and closing doors. After I master Expert Doorer Level 1 (common household doors), I can move on Expert Doorer Level 2, in which you study how to handle those pesky car doors, as well as gates. I don’t know about Expert Doorer Level 3. I think that’s a little too challenging. Although there is no such article about this profession on Wikipedia, I assure you it is a real job.
This was really my first and foremost career choice before becoming a doctor so this should be great! Instead of covering for prestigous media such as CNN (bias yo) or National Geographic, I can instead do hometown news in which I will be able to cover much more important things, such as the largest homegrown vegetable in the world. I mean come on, how are the international problems and poverty in this world better than that?
Radio Traffic Reporter
Holy hell! This is the most ideal thing ever! I mean I am sooo qualified for this job. Watch.
…There is a pileup on Highway 17. Those commuting to work today are advised to leave earlier and should expect at least a 30 minute wait…
And I earn like what? $500,000. Per 20 years? That’s so awesome.
Each kidney is worth millionsish. And really, who needs kidneys. They just filter stuff. I can live on distilled water so that my body doesn’t have to filter anything.
No no, this is not related to the army. This is a secret project that is very hush hush right now. S.E.A.L. stands for Seals Experiencing Algorithmic Lions. What does this mean? I cannot tell you. Sorry. This may be partly due to the fact that I do not know myself. I just made it up so you’d think I was in some sort of exclusive secretive something.
Hey, I’ve been pushing for this to become popular for ages and ages. I even made a hobo checklist to make hoboing very easy for beginners.
– 1 brown/black/gray shirt
– 1 brown/black/gray long sleeve/jacket (for the cold times)
– 1 brown/black/gray slacks
– 1 brown/black/gray bag (for carrying contraband)
– 1-10 black garbage bags (more contraband)
– Many newspapers (used for shelter, reading, towels, tissue, insulation, hat, clothes, bedding, bowls. This is very crucial hobo equipment)
– 1 shopping cart (can be used as shelter, luggage, or weapon)
– 1 can of mace or pepper spray (Haven’t you ever seen American Psycho? Hobos are not completely safe)
– 1 piece of carboard (used for making hobo signs; part of home)
– 1 hat or rag (can be used to clothe, but mostly to beg with)
The dull colors are to incite more pity. That’s it! You can start your life anew!