Glad there’s no school tomorrow so I can stay up watching The Wire (someone just lent me the box set. Christmas has come real early for me this year).

I’m at this point in my life, a crossroads if you will.  Should I purse a mundane life of scientific academia, or an impoverished life devoted to the arts?  After I graduate, should I become a medical Dr. student/grad student or should I do some soul-searching/personal growth traveling in remote countries (with little money and the power of couch-hopping)?   IS THIS WHAT A MIDLIFE CRISIS FEELS LIKE?  It sucks that I’m only going to live to my 40s.

I’m more of a take-action (not like it’s the right action) type of gal, because it’s hard for me to just let something that bothers me sit and chill at the bottom of my brain.  I can’t really figure this one out though, and so far these are the type of advice I get from people:

You can be whatever you want, but you should be a teacher.  You’ll earn enough money to follow what ever “passion” you have on the side, and you get vacation time to travel.  It’s so easy.
Well I guess the problem is that I don’t want to graduate and then go immediately back to school.  If I teach, I’ll probably do it at the end of my life when I’ve gathered a chock full of experience and story-telling ammo.
You should keep that in mind though, I still think you can be a teacher.  That or be a doctor so you can help people.  Doctor or teacher is what you should do (Most unhelpful).  (You know I heard once that teaching isn’t a career choice, but a life choice.  You have to really love it…  I don’t really love it.  In fact, I may even like it as much as I like getting a paper cut on my face it)

I might work for a while so I can get some income to pay off my ridiculously large student tuition.
Don’t work.  You’ll get sucked into the thrill of earning $12.50/hr and probably end up a weirdo person that has worked in retail or dining services for 24yrs and says they “absolutely love it” while spending their evenings snacking on microwave dinners and watching reruns of soap operas on the telly… No offense to anybody.

Why don’t you major in Dance?
A third major?
Yeah why not, you’re almost done with your two now right?  You’ll only be here for another two years.
I don’t know, 3 majors sounds a little excessive.  Do you want a Hall’s Immune Defense?
Fck yes.

I’m leaning towards dropping my Bio major, and consequently, going into Visual Anthropology (or even Dance, if I’m desperate to live solely on passion, bread, and water) for the rest of my life.  It’s never right to decide so early on something so important.  So after grad, I’m very likely to take time off from school.  I guess I’ll go from there.

Also, contrary to my last post and this one, I will stop writing like any decision I make is a matter of pure unadulterated happiness or miserable existence type situations.  It’s just that the two things that I need deciding on are such polar opposites, and seems to me to be a question between selfishness, selflessness, and moneyness.

Adieu till the next time I decide to actually write in this self-reflexive manner — which will be when I finally decide to go forward instead of being stuck at this fork in the road.


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  1. If this is a midlife crisis, then I will not even live to be forty!

    These sorts of decisions are the worst. :\

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